‘SNL’ takes shots at Lori Loughlin, Michael Avenatti, Julian Assange

The sketch — a play on the MSNBC show “Lockup” — opens on three inmates chatting about what got them behind bars, with one of the actors calling the crimes Kenan Thompson’s character committed insane.

“You think that’s insane? I paid 500 grand to get my daughter into USC,” says Kate McKinnon as Loughlin, who was charged in the widespread college admissions cheating scandal.

“I paid 500 grand to a women’s crew coach to say my daughter was good at rowing,” she adds. “I’m loco.”

The ersatz Loughlin goes on to say that she “owns the guards in here. I helped their kids get into top-rate pre-Ks” and that she bribed her way into the Nation of Islam for $100,000. She also makes several references to “Full House,” including the iconic line “how rude.”

Still, Thompson tells her she “won’t survive in here more than a week.”

“You think prison is hard?” McKinnon’s Loughlin laughs. “I’ve done 68 Hallmark movies. I’ve seen hell, man.”

Then in walks Pete Davidson as Michael Avenatti, who was charged Thursday in a 36-count federal indictment.

“Did somebody say crazy?” the faux Avenatti says. “I’m accused of crimes you can’t even conceive of, like blackmailing a sneaker company and stealing taxes from a coffee shop to fund a racecar team. And I’m so shady that a pornstar once said she needed to distance herself from me.

“And you know what the worst part is?” he adds. “I might still run for president. Avenatti-Baldwin, 2020.”

Not to be outdone, Keaton’s Julian Assange pops in, calling himself the “architect of anarchy,” the “king of chaos” and the “scourge of the cleaning staff at the Ecuadorian embassy.”

“Y’all wanna know how crazy I am? Here’s how crazy I am. I’m wanted in the U.S. and Sweden. I’m from Australia. I live in London in Ecuador. You try figuring that one out,” he says. “Yeah, you cheat your schools, and you rob your companies. That’s cute. It is. I’ve attacked the U.S. military . . . because I’m an actual James Bond supervillain, and I’m one step away from destroying the goddamn moon. So you wanna get nuts, so let’s get nuts.”

Then, the characters spot rainbow-maned rapper Tekashi 6ix9ine, played by Melissa Villasenor, sitting in the corner, telling everyone he’s just in for good old “robbery and gun stuff. It’s the best!”

“Well, we may both regret this. But Tekashi, do you need a lawyer?” Davidson’s Avenatti asks, adding “See, prison’s fun!”


‘Real Housewives of Atlanta’s’ Apollo Nida back in prison 9 days after release

‘Real Housewives of Atlanta’s’ Apollo Nida back in prison 9 days after release

PHILADELPHIA – Nine days after leaving prison, Apollo Nida of “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” fame was sent back to prison after violating unspecified terms of his parole while living in a halfway house in Philadelphia. According to The Blast, the reality star and former husband of Phaedra Parks was taken into custody at the Philadelphia Federal Court House and…

Rapper 21 Savage donates $25K to Southern Poverty Law Center

Rapper 21 Savage donates $25K to Southern Poverty Law Center

ATLANTA – Rapper 21 Savage has donated $25,000 to the Southern Poverty Law Center, a civil rights group that helped him when he was arrested by U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement earlier this year. The Grammy-nominated artist, whose real name is Shéyaa Bin Abraham-Joseph, was taken into custody in DeKalb County, Georgia, on Feb. 3 on charges that he is…

Gloria Vanderbilt dies at 95

Gloria Vanderbilt dies at 95

Socialite, fashion designer, actress and artist Gloria Vanderbilt has died, her son Anderson Cooper reported Monday on CNN. She was 95. Cooper told CNN his mother died at her home Monday with her family by her side. Cooper said she had been diagnosed with advanced stomach cancer. “Gloria Vanderbilt was an extraordinary woman, who loved life and lived…

Prince Harry shares new photo of Archie on his first Father’s Day

Prince Harry shares new photo of Archie on his first Father’s Day

LONDON – As Prince Harry celebrates his first Father’s Day, the world has gotten a new look at Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor. People reported that the Duke of Sussex shared a photo of his and Meghan Markle’s 5-week-old son on the couple’s Sussex Royal Instagram page. The sepia-toned photo shows baby Archie peeking over Harry’s hand as he’s cradled in his father’s arms.…